The first, is to have NO DIARRHEA. None. Not at all. Not a single nutty drop. The reason I have this odd goal here is because during the past year, I was hit by a bout of food poisoning not once, but twice. The first was due to a pork roast I prepared incorrectly. Oh lordy. The days that followed were TERRIBLE. The second time came a bit before Thanksgiving, at a local Mexican restaurant. I blame the chicken. Wasn’t as bad as the previous incident, but still wasn’t fun. All in all, I do not want to repeat that again. I do not want to experience anything remotely like it again.

So yes. There’s that, and my second (unfortunately) more realistic resolution is to take another firm step towards a more fulfilling job, and ultimately better life.

But alas, I must leave. Being the nerd that I am, to go play board games. More later.

EDIT: I’m back. So I have a couple things in mind. If I am offered a better position here on campus, I’ll prolly take it. If not, I’ll have to look elsewhere. I don’t know the sort of work I’d like to end up in, so I’ll prolly have to do some soul searching. On the inside, I think I already know that I’ll never really quite enjoy doing same work over and over again. I need change. Not radical, but still something. I’d like to get something of my own started, and hopefully I’ll be able to take steps in that direction during this year. Toodles.

Anyway, things turn out so that the opportunity to work on the original project comes again. It is exhaustive work, and you are reluctant to start again, having failed severely once before. But it’s different this time around, or at least you are told. The environment, resources, commitment, or whatever the issue was, will be fixed. You aren’t given much time to decide, as it is a time sensitive opportunity. You voice your concerns, but the others assure you of success with the project’s new push. You decide to accept, under the conditions that the project’s main workload be shifted to others. You’re smart, and don’t want to suffer the most if the project were to fail again.

And so the project begins anew. It’s a new start, and group confidence is high. Much of the original groundwork still remains, so things are moving along again. The project team expects success. But you still have your skepticism. In the end, nothing’s changed. Claims of additional support have been made, but chances are, it won’t come. And now that you’ve decided to take a passive role in the project, you know for sure it won’t run right.

You keep this mindset because it protects you. If the project were to somehow succeed, then you benefit. But if it fails again the way you suspect, you are protected from having devoted too much of yourself to it.

Surely enough, the exact same problems do arise again and much faster this time around. You alert the others to these problems and see if they get resolved, but you know it’s only a temporary fix anyway. The approach is flawed; nothing’s changed. You give as much effort as you see fit. You don’t see any reason to stir the pot and make things take longer than they should. The end is coming.

Progress is waylaid by problems, and eventually halted. The leaders hold a meeting to discuss the fate of the project. The current losses are high and tensions are rising. Having been a project leader the first time around, they eventually consult you for advice. They ask you what should be the fate of the project. But you don’t tell them. You want them to realize it for themselves. They decided to undertake it again. You participated, but the burden to produce results was on them. And they failed. Nothing’s changed after all.

In the end, they reach the conclusion that the project is a failure. The second wind was just another disappointment to the company. The losses are irreversible, and they are added on top of the original losses incurred. You are sheltered. You didn’t invest into the project as much as before. The project leaders thank you for your efforts. But you prolly know, in their minds they pass the blame on to you. You contributed hard as they did, (which wasn’t much,) given the resources available. Regardless, they’ll still find you at fault.

In the end though, it’s sort of what you expected. You took on the project again, with specific terms. The project went as you thought it would go and you distanced yourself from the core planning. You didn’t have your work wasted like before. So why is it you feel you’ve failed personally?

The project was going to fail. You knew it. Did you know it so well that it came true?

I was offered a position as a IT Support Technician at a company upstate. I’d be doing less work and speaking Japanese for more money. I did a lot of thinking and weighed my options.

In the end, I’ve decided to stay on campus and try my luck here. Being a recent graduate, I felt the best place to transition out of college was, well… college. I enjoy the campus and all the friends I’ve made here way too much.

I guess receiving a raise helped too.

It’s nice to know you’re wanted.

Going upstate for an interview this Friday. May result in a potential change in location. I dunno, we’ll see. I like the campus, but money is nice too!

One day, if I have a place of my own, I would like to have a room built to these specifications.

The floor will be a soft carpet of grass with tree stump shaped chairs in various spots (not real ones of course). The walls will be white dry erase boards. There will be a single large window on one wall to light up the area. Instead of blinds, there will be a giant roll of paper. The ceiling will be one giant lightboard, which can also be drawn upon. Haven’t decided if I want 2 doorways, but I at least want a large archway entrance with two doors which open into the room. And of course, proper venting and air systems to keep me from dying with the marker fumes.

And last but not least, a proper set of dry erase markers.