I’ve found this to be generally true.

Personally, I find it to be a great way to vent rage. RAWWRRRGHH!!!

I would like to become a master at timing and interrupting people with angry poo on their way to the bathroom.

It could be something along the lines of this:
First, I will develop a firm understanding for the visual cues of impending angry poo. Quivering eye brows, sudden sweats, risky chili for lunch, and etc.

Having located my prey, I will secure the nearest washrooms with lines formed by my friends. Of course, they will have been well prepared for the task, and have been lying in wait for such a moment. They will stall the prey and leave him at a dilemma. Does he wait it out? Or does he try for a farther restroom?

Of course, eventually he must give up and aim for a farther means of relief. This is where I launch my assault. Just as he is about to leave, I surprise him and start talking. I will speak directly and rapidly, leaving no time for a retort. I can always come up with seemingly important but always useless information.

Once it looks like he’ll break for an escape anyway, I also signal my leave. This adds seconds to his overall delay. Most precious seconds. I thrust my hand out for a handshake. If I’m feeling lucky, I’ll even throw in a hand wipe before I do it. Once I have him, I grab firmly and shake.

Game Over.

The first, is to have NO DIARRHEA. None. Not at all. Not a single nutty drop. The reason I have this odd goal here is because during the past year, I was hit by a bout of food poisoning not once, but twice. The first was due to a pork roast I prepared incorrectly. Oh lordy. The days that followed were TERRIBLE. The second time came a bit before Thanksgiving, at a local Mexican restaurant. I blame the chicken. Wasn’t as bad as the previous incident, but still wasn’t fun. All in all, I do not want to repeat that again. I do not want to experience anything remotely like it again.

So yes. There’s that, and my second (unfortunately) more realistic resolution is to take another firm step towards a more fulfilling job, and ultimately better life.

But alas, I must leave. Being the nerd that I am, to go play board games. More later.

EDIT: I’m back. So I have a couple things in mind. If I am offered a better position here on campus, I’ll prolly take it. If not, I’ll have to look elsewhere. I don’t know the sort of work I’d like to end up in, so I’ll prolly have to do some soul searching. On the inside, I think I already know that I’ll never really quite enjoy doing same work over and over again. I need change. Not radical, but still something. I’d like to get something of my own started, and hopefully I’ll be able to take steps in that direction during this year. Toodles.

It was a floater.

A long awaited floater, after 48+ hours of either nothing or horrible horrible diarrhea.

This past Thursday and Friday, I was struck with a case of food poisoning. The undercooked pork roast I ate for Wednesday’s dinner was most likely to blame. After having eaten and retired to bed for the night, I had to wake up abruptly around 2am to the sensation of a great wave hitting my colon.

Thereafter, I would return to bed and wake up every hour/half hour to go relieve myself. It wasn’t fun. Didn’t get too much sleep that night. I was struck with fever and chills, with slight nausea. Luckily, I didn’t have to vomit.

Thursday morning. Went to my first class. Almost died. Decided to head over to McKinley Health Center and make use of all the money I’ve been paying the school.

At the doctor’s office, they found my roommates’ lack of any problems quite curious. I guess I just happened to selectively dine on the meat that was undercooked. Yay me. Having struggled to try and finish a day of work, I eventually yielded and went home early. Couldn’t eat anything, and just sipped on the gatorade the doc gave to me. Prolly went to the bathroom over 20 times that day.

The following day, I was better, but not feeling up to a day of work. Stayed home for the most part, chewing on plain boiled rice porridge or sipping on some soup. Had a low fever most of the day which subsided in the evening.

On Saturday, I was to have my first real meal in two days. My friends and I thought I should prolly take it easy and eat something simple. My tastebuds said, “Screw that” and I promptly ordered a 1/3 lb burger with mushrooms, cheddar cheese, onions and extra ketchup. Took some effort to eat the whole thing, as my appetite was rather poopy, but I managed it.

And that night, I was blessed with a steaming log.

So, when you get food poisoning, this is what usually happens: After a certain incubation time, whatever nasty stuff you ate starts wreaking havoc.

When the food to symptom time is around 5-7 hours, you most likely have been hit by some bacterial toxins, which is what I had. After that, up to 16 hours means you most likely have ingested dead bacteria and the breakdown is releasing toxins. At 16-24 hour incubation, you most likely have ingested living bacteria which are actively messing with your body. Usually, longer the incubation, the worse it is. You can also get a viral condition, but I don’t know about that.

Anyway, generally, if you ever get food poisoning, drink lots of water and keep your salt and potassium levels up. After that, all you need is patience!

Before you read any further, let me reiterate one thing. I’m not crazy.

Anyways, a couple days ago I went to the bathroom to poop. It wasn’t going to be an angry poop by any means, and I fully expected to leave the bathroom quickly and victorious. So a the poo scale of 1 through 10, 10 being the magic poo which needs not even a single square of toilet paper, and 1 being a reenactment of the Star Wars Clone Wars: In the Ocean. With fire raining from the the heavens. All in all, I was pretty confident I would end up with an 8, 8.5, if not 9.

So, enough about my poop flavor. That fateful day, I quickly went twosies and had wiped up after myself. I stood up and was about to toss my toilet paper into the bowl when I noticed something was amiss. There was no poo in the toilet. The bowl, if not for the slight yellow tinge of urine, was looking rather pristine. Clearly the deed was done, but the evidence was nowhere to be seen.

I do admit I have before entered and exited bathrooms with the complete intention of pooping, only to have forgotten what I was doing midway and had to return for a second try. But this was not one of those times. I held in my hands the very proof of its existence.

Thinking logically, I can only imagine the poo had landed with such force, that it managed to travel straight down and through the pipes, overcoming the pressure a toilet employs to send other poos to the sewage pipe. But having witnessed a very modest splash upon impact, I can only further theorize that this particular poo had managed to be spiral-ly, allowing the poo to break the water’s surface while rotating, perhaps minimizing its impact and allowing it to maintain its speed without being decelerated by the water. In the end, I have no idea what happened. But when these points of logic come in play, the answer was quite clear.

I had produced a poo torpedo.